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New Element is Discovered

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named “Governmentium.” Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.” When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium – an element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


hypothecate hye-PAH-thuh-kayt (verb) : hypothesize

Example sentence: The user hypothecated the computer didn’t turn on because it wasn’t plugged in to the electrical outlet.

Did you know?

The meaning of “Hypothecate” is not without controversy. It has mainly been used in scientific and linguistic sources. “Hypothecate” is a homograph and is derived from the Greek “hypotithenai” (“to put under, suppose, deposit as a pledge”). Using “hypothecate” instead of “hypothesize” is a legitimate (albeit uncommon) usage word in its own right, not a misuse of its homograph. If you want to avoid the controversy altogether, however, you can stick with the more common “hypothesize.”

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