Stick it on . . .

Some times you might see a notible quote stuck to a car bumper. Here is a collection my sister sent me with some really funny ones.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
If it isn’t broken, fix it until it is.

  • Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
  • Never believe generalizations.
  • Vegitarian – Indian for bad hunter
  • Avoid alliterations always.
  • Know When to Say When
  • I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
  • The control key on the keyboard does not work.
  • Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).
  • On your mark, get set, go away!
  • I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!
  • What would Scooby do?
  • Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.
  • My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren’t asleep.
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • The trouble with the gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.
  • Old age comes at a bad time.
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
  • To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
  • Driver carries no cash. He’s married.
  • Watch out for the idiot behind me.
  • Don’t believe everything you think.
  • Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
  • All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
  • Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
  • If it isn’t broken, fix it until it is.
  • What if the hokey pokey is really what it’s all about?

Failure

How easy is it to not try something because of the fear of failure. Well, the other day my sister told me a quote that I’ll try to remember when I’m afraid to fail.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the titanic.
– Unknown

Quotations of Samuel Clemens

One of my hobbies is collecting quotes. I really enjoy reading them for their insight and humor. Take for instance,

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people
think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Here Twain restates a classic from the book of Proverbs (17:28) in a humors way. And the profound humor

“Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture
they do not understand, but the passages that bother
me are those I do understand.”

“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a
tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.”

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

“Honesty is the best policy-when there is money in it.”

“I am different from [George] Washington; I have a higher,
grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie.
I can lie, but I won’t.”

“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a
member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you
see, I have friends in both places.”

“If you tell the truth, you do not have to remember anything.”

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

“Always do right. This will gratify some people and
astonish the rest.”

“October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months
to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January,
September, April, November, May, March, June,
December, August and February.”

“The man who does not read good books has no
advantage over the man who can’t read them.”

“There are several good protections against temptations,
but the surest is cowardice.”

“To be good is noble; but to show others how to be
good is nobler and no trouble.”

“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction
is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”

“Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us
economize it.”

“We have a criminal jury system which is superior to
any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by
the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don’t
know anything and can’t read.”

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when
I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much
the old man had learned in seven years.”

“When a person cannot deceive himself the chances
are against his being able to deceive other people.”

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority,
it is time to pause and reflect.”

Susanna Wesley

As a boy, John Wesley had been thinking about sin and asked his mother, Susanna Wesley, for a definition. Susanna Wesley’s reply, one of such great wisdom and insight both serves to challenge me to always be ready to give an answer but also think more deeply about sin and it’s relation to Christians. Just imagine giving this answer at the spur of the moment to a child.

Whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things, in short, if anything increases the authority and the power of the flesh over the spirit that to you becomes sin however good it is in itself.

– – Susanna Wesley

Hope

O love the LORD, all you His godly ones!
The LORD preserves the faithful
And fully recompenses the proud doer.
Be strong and let your heart take courage,
All you who hope in the LORD.
– Psa. 31:23-24

What’s that? – Quotable, er maybe not

In case you were wondering if I had more quotes like the ones I used for the “Falling post” I decided to post all the quotes. Enjoy!

Something Got Lost in the Translation…

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
– Not to be used for the other use.

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
– Warning: keep out of children

ON A PACKET OF SUNMAID RAISINS
– Why not try tossing over your favorite
breakfast cereal?

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
– For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
– Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS
– Instructions: open packet; eat nuts.

ON BOOTS CHILDREN’S COUGH MEDICINE
– Do not drive car or operate machinery

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
– Product will be hot after heating

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)
– Warning: may cause drowsiness

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
– Do not Iron clothes on body

ON SAINSBURY’S PEANUTS
– Warning: contains nuts

ON TESCO’S TIRIMISU DESERT
– Do not turn upside down.
(Printed on the bottom of the box.)